Moments of Truth
by Lighthouse Keeper
Summary: A couple of imagined vignettes that might've happened before the reunion of S2, Ep6 and contributed to Kate deciding to come back and give Caroline one last chance.
1. Chapter 1

_"No. Thank you."_

Those three little words rang dully in Caroline's ears as she sat numbly in her jeep. No bloody thank you! Where had it all gone wrong?

She stared almost sightlessly out of the windscreen as a myriad of thoughts raced around her head in a random order. A woman walked by with her dog and peered curiously at Caroline but she didn't notice. She looked at the road ahead. It was wide and sunny, lined with trees. Open and welcoming, just like Kate. She scoffed inwardly as she thought about the type of place that'd represent her. A cave probably. Dark, dank and inhospitable. Yep, that'd be about right.

She slumped forward, her arms around the steering wheel and her forehead bowed resting on it. She felt defeated all over again. Closing her eyes she replayed the conversation in Kate's lounge in her head. Could she have done anything differently?

The flowers were lovely, she was sure of that. No more than Kate deserved of course, but they were lovely. She'd apologised. Hadn't she? Hold on, hold on...what had she said? Yes. She'd said...what was it? That she'd thought...it was worth one more time saying sorry...for all the things she'd got wrong...and that she would try harder. Ok, so...she had apologised. She had.

She leaned back in her seat again as a memory came into her head. A memory of another time when she had apologised to Kate. A time when she'd thought she'd lost her but when her mother (of all people!) had apologised and then brought them back together.

 _She'd been so relieved to see Kate at the door. And then that relief had ballooned into joy. Yes, actual joy. Joy at not losing this wonderful woman. Joy at being able to continue to be a part of her life._

 _And then that joy had unexpectedly imploded and had her sobbing like a child. Kate was there and she was so happy to see her but all she could do was sob. She'd felt so overwhelmed but Kate seemed to understand. She'd held her as she started to sob. They hadn't even made it out of the hallway but Kate had just held her, whispered soothing words and stroked her back like a child until her tears started to quell and her body started to relax._

 _Kate had led her to the sofa then. Sat her down and brushed the wetness from her cheeks, all the while looking at her with those velvet brown eyes. Then with her fingertips she brushed her hair back off her face and said, "Caroline," in that voice. That voice that reminded her of a butterfly on a summer breeze. Only of course she couldn't say that. She couldn't tell Kate that. She did once tell her that she had a beautiful voice and Kate surely knew what that voice, whispering in her ear when they made love, did to her. Oh yes, she definitely knew that!_

 _Warm puffs of air, carrying carefully formed words on a sedan chair for Caroline's sole reception. Words that flattered and excited. Words that aroused, inflamed and even shocked. Words whose edges were soft but when they were bitten open were sharp and sour and sweet and hot. Words whose flavours and textures were colours and sounds. The melting apricot of 'I want you'. The smoking ochre of 'turn over'. The screaming lime of 'not until I say you can'..._

 _Memories jostling for attention like excited children. Where was she? Oh yes, the apology. A time when she'd apologised and it'd gone well._

 _Sitting on her sofa, Kate's calming touches soothing her. She'd said, "Caroline," in a wonderment of concern and she'd had an overwhelming need to explain._

 _"Kate...I..."_

 _"It's ok. It's alright."_

 _"No. No, it's not. I need to...tell you...to make you understand." An empty sob, left behind like a lost child._

 _"Alright. Take your time...I'm not going anywhere." She brushed the backs of her fingers down her cheek._

 _Caroline took her hand. Anchored herself. Took a shaky breath. "You're right." A declaration. Paused to see if it resulted in triumph. No. Same, steady gaze; non-judgmental, caring. Another breath. "I'm sorry. I should've spoken to you...about how I felt...about where this was going...where we wanted it to go. But I...what I said to my mum...that wasn't the truth...not the truth as it is now. I think...I think I was keeping that from her...because it's...too new...too precious to even name yet."_

 _"Caroline. Slow down." She lifted her hand to her mouth and kissed it. A benediction. "I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere. Take your time."_

 _A smile at the recognition of her words. A pause to centre herself. "I told my mum...well I was trying to tell her how we...started...and then, well I got it all a bit mixed up with how we are now. But I never meant it to sound like I didn't care about you. That's just not true, Kate. You mean...the world to me."_

 _Kate smiled. That neon smile that lit her up from inside. "Me too."_

Yep, that'd gone well. Very well. So why not today? What was different? She looked up in frustration and then ran her hands through her hair and sighed heavily. Why was she so useless at this?

A young woman walked by the car on her phone talking quite loudly. She stopped dead just past the jeep's bonnet, clearly very annoyed.

"Well that's just it, isn't it? How am I supposed to know that? We never talk, Shaun." She paused before saying, "No, we don't! You talk more with your mates than you do with me and I'm beginning to feel like I'm being used!" Another pause. "Well what do you _think_ I mean?" She walked toward the hedge and then turned on her heel and walked back again. "Oh for...God's sake Shaun! You're not a _complete_ bloody idiot! Sex! I'm talking about sex!" She looked up and locked eyes with Caroline, realising for the first time that she was in the car. Blanching, she looked away, dropped her voice and walked on."

Caroline watched her walk away and sank back into the quiet safety of her seat now that the woman's intrusive words had faded away. As she welcomed the opportunity to return to her thoughts, she came to a sudden realisation. I need to tell her how I feel! More of how I feel anyway. She needs to understand. Properly.

She grasped the door handle, then let it go again, flipping the sun visor down and exposing the mirror to check her hair and make-up. She looked at herself critically before making a sound of frustration and flicking the visor back up. Before she could change her mind she got back out of the car and walked back to Kate's house, pointing the electronic fob behind her and clicking it to lock without looking.

She knocked on the door and tried to ignore the fact her mouth had gone incredibly dry. Before she was ready, Kate opened it, looking at her in astonishment. "Did you...forget something?" Her tone was clipped. Brittle.

Caroline swallowed, trying to conjure up some saliva. "Yes. I did."

Kate looked at her expectantly and then, when no explanation was forthcoming, she said, "What?" And at Caroline's continued silence, "What did you forget?"

Caroline seemed to come to life all,of a sudden. "There are things...I need to tell you. Things I should've told you...before."

Kate sighed, "It won't change anything, Caroline."

"That's as may be," Caroline said crisply, "But I need to know that I've done everything I could." Tears sprang unexpectedly to her eyes and she fought against them, looking down at the ground to disguise her struggle.

"Hello Caroline, hello Kate!" The greeting swooped in like a bird of paradise in a nuclear wasteland. Both women looked around to see its source and Kate's neighbour - as that's who it was - looked surprised at the challenge in their eyes.

Caroline found her manners, "Hello Bridget. How are you?"

"Oh I'm very well, thanks," she smiled at the headteacher. "My roses are coming on a treat now since you gave me your top tips." Caroline stretched her face into a smile. "You obviously know what you're talking about. She does, doesn't she Kate?" Bridget addressed her neighbour.

"Oh she _definitely_ knows what she's talking about," muttered Kate.

"When you've got a minute, Caroline, do you think you could have a look at my hydrangeas? I'm worried that they've lost their...well, their bloom really."

Caroline smiled wanly and murmured something deliberately unintelligible.

"If you'll excuse us Bridget - sorry to be rude - but Caroline and I just need to talk about something important...apparently," Kate was the rudest Caroline had ever heard her be but before she could even be astounded she'd grasped her arm and had pulled her into the house.

"Oh, no problem," Bridget said politely but her face clearly expressed surprise, "We'll catch up...soon then," she tailed off as the door was firmly closed.

Finding herself at anchor in Kate's house again, Caroline still felt all at sea. Cast adrift. Buffeted by the very choppy seas apparent in Kate's eyes.

She glared at her, "Well you have Bridget to thank for this," she stated accusingly.

"I appreciate this, Kate. I know you don't...I don't deserve it."

Kate looked at her steadily. Caroline felt exposed. Remembered how Kate sometimes looked into her eyes when they made love. Reading her. Drowning her in tenderness.

"I don't have all day, Caroline." No tenderness now.

"Yes. Sorry." She took a deep breath. Why was this so hard? Why could she stand up in front of the whole school and deliver messages with ease when she couldn't stand in front of this one woman and say what she meant? "Ok...what I should have said earlier is that I realise - and I know I'm late to acknowledge this Kate, I know that - what we had was special. _Really_ special. I don't underestimate that. And I know that maybe I haven't made you _feel_ special...not all the time anyway...but I should have because you are...and what we had...was." She tailed off feeling her words trail in front of her like a kite blown away on a breeze. Too far away to catch. Too elusive to even see the pattern on its tail.

"Right." She folded her arms. "Anything else?" A raised eyebrow.

This isn't working. I'm not getting through. Bloody hell. Caroline racked her brain for some way to reach her. "Kate," she looked at her intensely seeking to make eye contact. She looked up. Bingo! "I know I'm not the most emotionally insightful person ever..." she saw Kate's eyes narrow slightly, "But I'm not delusional and I know that what we had together, you and I, was...incredible." She paused, searching Kate's expression for recognition, "Wasn't it?"

Kate unfolded her arms, "It doesn't really matter now, does it?"

"I think it does. You see, you made me _feel_ more than anyone else ever had. In my whole life, Kate. And you know that. And I think you felt it too." She took a step toward her, dropped her voice, "When we made love..." she watched as Kate's eyes widened then blinked, "...we...connected. You know we did."

Kate swallowed and looked at her wide-eyed. "That's not fair, Caroline," she said quietly.

Caroline bit her lip. "It's not fair to have had that and then lost it," she said softly. She moved forward half a step and touched Kate's arm tentatively, "I know I've been...less than ideal as a partner but I..." she took a shaky breath, "...I love you Kate."

Kate took a sharp breath, opened her mouth as if to say something but then closed it again. She gazed at Caroline helplessly.

Caroline raised her hand and slowly trailed her fingers across Kate's cheek and then along her chin. "You are so beautiful."

Kate lifted her arm and caught Caroline's hand. Stopped her as her fingertips grazed her bottom lip. Took her hand and linked her fingers with her own unconsciously as she halted its journey. Caroline looked at their joined hands then back into Kate's eyes. The smoke from the bonfires of their memories combined and drifted up between them...

 _She was lying on her back. In Kate's bed. Kate was straddling her hips, watching her fingers against her skin as she dragged them across her midriff and up slowly...oh so slowly...toward her breast._

 _She watched Kate's hand on her skin. Tried to disconnect the visual from the physical and examine the two separately. The two skin tones so different. Her hand so feminine inching over her body. The gentle teasing caress. She felt like screaming it was so erotic._

 _Kate's hand inched its way upward. She watched Caroline watching her. Smiled seductively. Trailed her fingertips over a nipple._

 _"Kate."_

 _The pace was painfully slow and now, far too gentle and Caroline couldn't take it any more. She reached out and put her hand over Kate's trying to force her to be firmer. Kate laughed, soft and low, laced her fingers in Caroline's and lifted her hand over her head._

 _Hands still joined she pinned Caroline's to the pillow, leaning over her, moving slowly closer. Caroline felt like she wanted to submit. Like she wanted to sit at the top of the rapids and just let herself get swept along. To give up control. To be taken._

She looked at their joined hands, then up into Kate's face. She moved toward her with the inevitability of currents and tides and leant in to capture her mouth with her own. The source of her desire. Her need.

Kate slumped back against the wall as she automatically responded to the kiss. Caroline was the magnet to Kate's metal; their bodies were the product of an irresistible force. The kite swooped and soared above the river that swept onwards, onwards, relentlessly onwards.

Caroline heard a noise that was a cross between a moan and sigh and then realised from afar that it came from her. Gasping slightly, she drew away feeling as if she'd been hanging on to the kite on its unencumbered flight through the thermals. She drew a couple of breaths, looking at Kate who seemed as affected as she was.

"God Kate...you're so...you make me feel..." She tailed off and gave a nervous laugh. "Nothing's changed, has it?"

Kate smiled sadly as she stepped to the side to put some distance between them. She smoothed her hands down her hips before saying, "No Caroline, nothing's changed." She walked around her and opened the door, standing back to clearly indicate she should leave.

Caroline gaped at her, "You want me to leave? After _that_?

Kate nodded, "Yes."

Caroline took a step, stopped, shook her head and then said bemusedly, "I don't get it."

"I know."

Caroline shook her head again and left. Walked back to her car again. Sat there staring sightlessly out the window.

Shipwrecked.


	2. Chapter 2

"There you go then...all done," the nurse said breezily. She switched off the machine and handed Kate some paper towels as she stood up, "Sorry I've got to shoot off...but be reassured, the baby's fine and you're fine." She smiled, "Take it easy for the rest of the day...try not to get stressed. Any worries, just come back though." And in a moment she was gone.

The small room felt a little empty without her energy in it but Caroline still felt Kate's closeness intensely. It felt like the wall of heat she'd encountered when stepping out of the airport at Singapore years ago. It surrounded her, crushing her breath and inflating her pores.

Kate wiped her swollen belly with a paper towel, seemingly unaffected by Caroline's presence. Caroline wanted to look away but found herself drawn to the glistening skin. To the ripeness of Kate's physicality and the reminder of what she'd lost. She remembered another time when a sheen of sweat on Kate's stomach had enticed her...

 _Her hips moved restlessly, "Caroline...stop teasing."_

 _"Tell me what you want." Feeling brave. In control._

 _"You know what I want."_

 _"Do I?" Palms on her thighs, bending her head to nuzzle softly._

 _A gasp. "Yes. More."_

 _She obliged, willingly._

 _Later...much, much later, her head nestling in the gentle hollow between the top of Kate's thigh and her hip, she noticed the sheen of perspiration across her midriff. She blew a soft breath intending to cool. Kate sighed contentedly, "Mmmm...that feels nice." She did it again, noticing the soft curls tremble under the tender onslaught and without warning a tsunami of desire reared in her and she tried to resist the feeling of wanting to devour her._

 _Lifting her head, she trailed her tongue along the sensitive skin, revelling in the warm musk and the sweet saltiness._

 _"Caroline." Her voice was low, husky. She felt the rumble of her words in her abdominal muscles as she alternated between kissing, licking and nibbling._

 _"You're so beautiful," she murmured into her skin. Kate sighed. Buoyed by the sigh she raised her head and looked up into Kate's eyes heavy with desire. "I can't stop wanting you," she said helplessly. I_ _t felt like the most truthful thing she'd ever said._

 _Kate reached to her, "Then don't."_

Looking from her softly rounded belly up into Kate's eyes, she licked dry lips before saying huskily, "You've...missed a bit."

"Have I?" Kate wiped her stomach again with the paper towel.

"No it's..." she pointed vaguely knowing as she did so that Kate couldn't see the underside of her bump. "Ummm...shall I...?"

Kate looked at her for a moment, considering her. Caroline felt as if she was being appraised. She tried to keep her gaze even, unambiguous as she did when the Board of Governors was questioning a proposal she'd made. After what felt like an age, Kate handed her the paper towel wordlessly.

Caroline gently wiped the greasy gel from her skin, trying not to show that she was enjoying being this close. She let the tips of her index and middle fingers accidentally graze Kate's skin, knowing that she would probably have no chance to touch her this intimately again. With a last deliberately slow pass of the paper towel she stood back slightly and looked critically at Kate's skin trying to sound dispassionate as she said, "I think that's it."

"Thanks." Kate's voice sounded husky and it surprised Caroline.

"Are you alright?"

"Yep," Kate replied too quickly. "Yes, I'm fine." She pulled her top down hurriedly but not before Caroline saw the goosebumps on her skin.

"You're cold."

"No, I'm..." she tailed off looking embarrassed and said quickly, "A bit. Might be the relief I suppose."

"Yes...I'm sure. Kate I'm...really pleased that everything is ok. With the baby. And with you of course."

"Are you?" She swung her legs around to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Of course I am!" An unexpected arctic blast. Icy air swirling around her face, burning her cheeks. She licked her lips, the cold having whipped away any warmth; any moisture.

Kate looked at her defiantly as she slid off the bed to stand up. Caroline felt as desolate as the arctic tundra. Looked away as emptiness threatened to overwhelm bringing biting tears of regret.

"Aaaah!" Kate tried to mute her cry of pain but it didn't work.

"Kate! Darling, what's wrong?! Shall I get someone?" Caroline wheeled around to be at her side. She touched her arm lightly.

"It's..." Kate sucked air in through clenched teeth as she put her right foot tentatively on the floor, "...just cramp."

"Oh." The relief Caroline felt was like a blow to the stomach. She watched Kate exhale forcefully and then saw pain flicker across her face as she tried to stretch her leg but couldn't. Caroline suddenly thought about Kate in labour and a stab of panic seized her. She remembered when she'd given birth to William: terrified and in the worst pain she'd ever experienced, she'd thought she was going to die. Thinking of Kate in that same situation horrified her and she experienced an overwhelming urge to protect her. She knelt on the floor and put her hands around Kate's calf. She could feel the muscles hardened and in spasm underneath her fingers.

"What...what are you doing?" Kate looked down at her, alarmed.

"I used to get awful cramp when I was having the boys," Caroline spoke almost wistfully as she started to gently rub Kate's leg, "When I was having William, John was quite good and he used to rub my leg or my foot when I'd wake up in the middle of the night...by the time I was pregnant with Lawrence I think the novelty had worn off and so I used to have to deal with it on my own pretty much." She looked up and smiled ruefully, "As I got bigger it became harder to rub my own leg, let alone my feet but I found that a warm bath helped." She paused, then said wryly, "I had a _lot_ of baths."

"You...don't need to do this, Caroline," Kate said quietly but she made no attempt to move away.

"I know," Caroline replied simply.

Kate tried to put some weight on her leg, rather than continue to balance on just one but her muscles were still in spasm and the discomfort still too intense; she wobbled precariously and to steady herself she put her hand out and rested it on Caroline's head.

"Sorry. I just...sorry." She moved her hand away as if it'd been burned.

"It's fine. Really." Kate's hand, for a moment tangled in her hair, had felt so lovely that Caroline wanted to cry out in satisfaction. Instead she looked up and said, "Sit back on the bed for a moment...it'll be more comfortable for you and you won't need to balance on one leg."

Kate opened her mouth as if to say something, then she closed it again and leaned back against the bed, pulling herself up on it obediently.

Caroline could still feel the imprint of Kate's hand on her head and she longed for her fingers in her hair again. Kate had loved to stroke her hair. Often that'd been part of the unhurried prelude to making love and certainly there were many times when Kate's fingers had tangled themselves in her hair to encourage, to urge or merely to anchor herself securely to the route of Caroline's carnal worship. However, it was the everyday little touches she found she missed more than anything: the softest brush of a finger to draw some strands of hair away from her eyes, the loving sweep of a hand exposing the nape of her neck to receive a gentle kiss as she stood at the kitchen counter, the slow, sensual massage of her scalp as she washed her hair in the shower.

Kate drew her legs up on the bed as she swivelled around to sit on it fully. "I hope you haven't got your skirt dirty."

Caroline looked down at herself, not really caring one way or, "It's fine." She put her hands around Kate's calf again, not wanting to miss a chance to touch her. Kate grimaced slightly, "Did I hurt you?"

"No, it's just...the cramp."

Caroline nodded, reassured that she hadn't hurt her. She put one hand on Kate's bent knee as she rubbed her calf with the palm of her other hand, increasing the pressure and tempo slightly as she felt her relax very slightly. "Is that helping?"

Kate nodded, "It is. Thanks."

"It'd be better if you didn't have clothes on," Caroline said without thinking. She immediately flushed, "Sorry, I...wasn't...I didn't mean..."

Kate had stiffened at the comment but as she saw Caroline's discomfort she relaxed and the corners of her eyes crinkled with a smile, "You need to work on your technique," she said obliquely.

Caroline resumed massaging Kate's leg. "Story of my life," she muttered.

Kate clearly felt bad at how her comment might've been interpreted as she said quickly, "This is helping...thanks, I...appreciate it. And this...you coming here to check I was ok. That was a...really nice thing to do."

 _Nice_. Standing at the top of the fells with the wind screaming around her, Caroline felt like she wanted it to batter her with its fury. To punish her for her frailty. _Nice_.

She didn't respond immediately. She continued to gently knead the knotted calf muscles and after a moment she said quietly without looking up, "You _know_ why I came."

Kate took a barely disguised sharp intake of breath. "Caroline. We've been through this."

"Have we?" Challenging the gale's power.

"Yes. It's not...nothing's changed."

Caroline looked up and into Kate's eyes and stated simply, "You're right. I still love you. Nothing's changed there." Soft but defiant. Looking boldly into the eye of the storm.

Kate looked for a moment like she was going to cry, then she bowed her head briefly, touched her swollen belly like a talisman and said, "But now I'm pregnant. My life _has_ changed. Forever, hopefully."

"I'm not an idiot, Kate, I know that. I may not have liked the way you decided to conceive...but if you think I have anything against...the baby...you're very wrong."

Kate was quiet for a moment and her mouth moved as if she were chewing Caroline's words. Tasting them. She flexed her foot and made a small noise of discomfort. Caroline noticed and, moving to the side of the bed she started to massage the calf muscles from a different angle. Eventually Kate said, "You never really said you didn't like my idea to get pregnant...using Greg as the donor."

Caroline scoffed, "What did..." She stopped herself before she could slip into an easy sarcastic response. She took a breath and then said measuredly, "Maybe not...but I was never going to enjoy the thought of you with...making...having sex with someone else."

"It's the way babies are made, Caroline," Kate said defensively.

Caroline glared back at Kate, "There _are_ other ways."

Kate sighed, "Well, it's immaterial now." She flexed her foot again. "I think I can probably stand now."

Caroline stopped rubbing her calf. "Take it slowly then."

Kate slid to the edge of the bed and gingerly stood up, applying weight gradually to the leg that had so recently been in spasm. She smiled, "I think I'll live."

Caroline nodded, walked forward and held the door open for her. Kate looked at her a little strangely but exited the room in front of her.

Out in the corridor, Kate said briskly, "I'll see you back at school then."

Caroline looked at her with a shocked expression and said sharply, "You will not!" And then at Kate's confused and slightly indignant face, "You were told to take it easy for the rest of the day."

"It's not like I'm a...bricklayer, Caroline! Teaching isn't exactly physically demanding." She walked off.

Caroline followed, falling into step beside her. "No, but you're up and down all day...spending a lot of time on your feet...it's hardly conducive to taking it easy."

"I'm pregnant, not ill," Kate replied stubbornly.

Caroline stopped walking, stepped in front of her so she had to stop as well and looked at her seriously, "Kate. You've had a bit of a scare today...just...will you...take heed and look after yourself! You owe it to the baby apart from anything else. She needs you to be fit and healthy. And so do I." She paused, looking into Kate's eyes before saying simply, "Please."

Kate blinked rapidly then looked away as she said, "Ok. I'll take the rest of the day off." She cleared her throat delicately. "Do you know where the loo is? I'd better go before I leave or my car's upholstery might not make the journey unscathed."

Caroline looked around for a sign to indicate where the toilets were located. "Ah, there look, just behind you."

"Thanks." She turned and walked off.

Caroline watched her as she departed. The sway of Kate's hips and the memories they invoked mesmerised her. God, she still has a sexy walk...even at six months pregnant! As the door closed behind her, Caroline felt alone again. People milled around her; the whole place was full of life but she felt the chill of loneliness envelop her like a lost spirit. A rather wide lady bumped her with her hip as she lumbered past and she realised she should probably move. After all, why was she still there?

As she went to leave, somebody touched her arm and said, "Oh I'm so glad you're still here, I forgot to give you this." Caroline looked into the face of the nurse who had undertaken Kate's scan earlier. She was holding a piece of paper. Caroline looked at her blankly. "It's a picture from the scan. For you and your partner," she explained, as if to a child. She handed it to her.

Caroline found her voice and her manners, "Oh thank you, that's...really kind of you."

The nurse smiled, "No problem. Is your partner okay?"

"Oh...she's n...she's...yes, she's fine. She's just gone to the loo before...we leave."

"Of course. Good idea." She half turned then stopped and looked at Caroline seriously for a moment, "Don't look so worried, they're fine you know. Kate, isn't it?..." Caroline nodded, "...Kate and the baby, they're absolutely fine. She's lucky she has you to look after her but really there's no need for either of you to worry, your daughter looks to be in fine fettle and before you know it she'll be here winding her mums round her little finger."

Caroline stretched her face into a smile, "Thanks. You're right, I know."

The nurse looked reassured. She flashed another smile, "I'd better be off."

"Thanks again. We...really appreciate your help." The nurse walked away and was swallowed up into the crowd.

Caroline looked down at the picture in her hand. The image was fuzzy but it clearly showed the baby. Kate's baby. Kate's daughter. She gently touched the outline of the head with her fingertip as if she was stroking it and without thinking she whispered, "Hello little one."

"Why didn't you correct her?"

Caroline whipped around to face Kate. She flushed, "I...what...do you mean?"

"The nurse. She clearly thought you and I were together. Why didn't you correct her?" She looked at her steadily, no discernible expression on her face but her eyes sparkled with what might've been unshed tears.

"I...yes...I should've I suppose. I'm sorry...but I thought...I just thought...she didn't need to know," Caroline stumbled.

Kate raised one slim eyebrow and said slowly, "She didn't need to know we... _weren't_ together?"

The word 'weren't' whistled around her like a wayward mistral, taunting her and pinching her face cruelly. She felt herself flush and she stared at Kate wordlessly.

Kate took pity on her. "Can I...have that?" She gestured toward the scan photo Caroline still held.

"Oh. Sorry." She handed it to her and watched as Kate stared at it in wonder, smiling softly. "She's...beautiful, Kate. And she has your mouth," she said without thinking.

Kate looked up at her, still smiling. "Do you think?"

"Mmhmm." She returned her smile.

They stared at each other happily for a moment, then Kate seemed to shake herself, like resetting an emotional Etch a Sketch, and she said, "You'd probably better get back, Beverley will've slotted meetings into Christmas Day for you by now."

"You're probably right. My Christmas will've definitely been cancelled as punishment for absconding."

Kate started walking and she slipped into step beside her, wanting the walk to the car park to last forever. All too soon however, they were standing by Kate's car.

"Do you...want me to...drive you?"

Kate looked at her with a mixture of incredulity and sympathy and said, "I'm fine to drive. Really."

"If you're...sure." There was a moment of silence and Caroline thrust her hands into her pockets to stop herself from reaching out to Kate, grabbing her and never letting her go.

Kate turned to get inthe car, hesitated and turned back again, "Thanks for... letting me grab your hand earlier." She smiled shyly, "I'd usually ask before holding someone's hand...to at least give them the chance to decline...but my manners deserted me I'm afraid."

Caroline looked at her intensely for a moment before saying quietly, "I'll always hold your hand. Whether you grab it, ask or offer."

Kate nodded imperceptibly and turned to unlock the driver's door. She smiled, opened her mouth as if to say something but then closed it again and got in the car.

Caroline stood in the cold and watched her leave.


	3. Epilogue

Epilogue

"Caroline?"

"Mmmmmm."

"Are you awake?"

"Nearly." Her voice was so sleepy the word was almost slurred.

"Nearly? How can you be nearly awake?"

"Dunno. Gimme one on 80s pop instead." She nuzzled into Kate's neck, taking pleasure in the warmth, texture and smell of her skin.

"Ok if you insist." She thought for a minute then said, "Which female duo had a hit with 'Respectable' in the 80s?"

"'S'easy...Mel & Kim." She yawned. "What do I win?"

"Me." She kissed her head.

"I've hit the jackpot." Her head still on Kate's shoulder, she tipped her face up and kissed her jaw.

"I love you."

Caroline smiled, "I know. You told me, earlier."

"Yes but that didn't really count."

"Didn't it, why?" She moved to one side slightly so she could look up into Kate's face.

"Because you'd just given me an incredible orgasm."

"So you didn't mean it?"

"Oh I _meant_ it. But it's an unwritten rule, you can never count on anything that's said before, during or after an orgasm."

Caroline laughed. "Well that rules _everything_ out."

"Does it?"

"Yep. If you think about it, everything that we say to each other is either pre, during or post, orgasm."

Kate giggled, "I like the way you look at life...but I meant _just_ before and _just_ after...as well as during."

Caroline snuggled closer into her. "Well, what's the time limit on _just_? I need to know what the cut-off period is so that I can work within these...unwritten rules properly."

Kate pretended to think, "Hmmmm...I don't think there's a set time...I think it depends on the activity and the intensity."

"Sounds too nebulous for a scientist to agree to." She swept her fingertips upwards over Kate's pregnant belly. "And anyway..." she bent her head and kissed where her fingers had just passed, "...I think it all counts...whenever you say it." She trailed her lips in a seemingly random pattern across her skin, "...I can only speak for myself but whatever I say...before..." she kissed in between her breasts, "...during..." she kissed her breast, "...or after..." she kissed her nipple slowly, lingeringly, "...is the complete truth."

"Is it?" Kate's question was a little breathy.

Caroline didn't answer for a minute. She traced the outline of Kate's nipple with the tip of her tongue, enjoying the feel of the areola contracting under her touch. She raised her head slightly and blew cool air on the already puckered skin. "Yep. So if I tell you now that..." she closed her lips over the nipple, sucking gently and flicking it lightly with her tongue before pulling away again, "...you have the most beautiful nipples I've ever seen..." she bent her head again and resumed what she'd been doing. Kate moaned softly and the conversation ended.

Later, much later, when Caroline raised her head off the pillow to see the first tendrils of morning light struggle their way over the windowsill, she thought back to that conversation and smiled. Looking at Kate snuggled up against her, happiness billowed in her heart like a yacht in full sail on a spring morning. The truth.

"What're you smiling at?" Kate's question was sleepily expressed and as Caroline looked at her, her eyes were closed.

"How do you know I'm smiling?"

"I can see it."

"Your eyes are closed."

"Doesn't matter. I see you clearly."

Caroline didn't respond for a minute. For some reason she found that tears had filled her eyes and she fought to control them, not understanding where they'd come from and why. Compass overboard, no sign of land. Eventually she said quietly, "Yes...yes you do."

Kate kissed the side of Caroline's breast, where her mouth happened to be, and asked, "So why were you smiling?"

"Because I'm happy. Being with you makes me happy. Very happy."

Kate finally opened her eyes and wriggled up the bed so that they were at eye level. She leaned in and kissed Caroline's cheek, "Good. You make me happy too."

Caroline enfolded her in her arms and for a moment all was quiet. Outside they could hear birdsong as the new day was welcomed. Eventually Caroline asked hesitantly, "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Why did you come back? What made you change your mind about...giving me another chance?"

"The truth," Kate said simply.

Caroline pulled back a little so she could look into Kate's eyes. "What do you mean?"

Kate stroked the backs of her fingers across Caroline's cheek. "Don't look so worried...this is a good thing."

Caroline took a deep breath, "I'm not worried...I just need to understand, Kate. I can't lose you again...I need to be different this time."

Kate smiled and tears appeared in the corners of her eyes. "You _are_ different. And that's why I came back." She saw Caroline's features relax a little and she continued, "When I was driving home from the party, I was thinking about you and the reasons we'd split up and why I wouldn't give you another chance. And I realised that over the past few months you've shown me that you have changed...and that actually I hadn't acknowledged that." She leaned forward and kissed her tenderly.

"Thank you...for telling me that." Caroline's voice was husky.

Kate acknowledged her words with a smile. "I was thinking about...the contact we'd had since we'd split up and the things you've said and done. I realised that you'd been very truthful about your feelings...and you'd been open and honest about your sexuality...as well as showing me that you'd be there to support me and also that you weren't put off by the baby."

"Of course I'm not! Kate, the baby is a part of you...and I couldn't ever _not_ love her because of that."

" I know." She stroked her face. "I know." She paused. "The thing is, when we were together before...I think every time you didn't tell me how you felt or you refused to acknowledge our relationship publicly, it was like I'd bought into that lie too. I just got to the point where I couldn't continue to ignore the absence of those things despite how good it was in other areas...and I didn't really realise until that day here at the hotel that it'd made me feel really rubbish."

"I'm so sorry." Caroline looked desolate. The small yacht adrift in calm waters.

"I know. And so am I."

"Why?"

"Because, I should've told you the truth about how it was making me feel...and I should've cut you some slack when you were trying to make amends."

There was quiet for a moment and Caroline ran her thumb gently over Kate's bottom lip. Then she said with a smile, "You did kiss me though."

Kate rolled her eyes, "Yes, I did."

"Even though you chucked me out afterwards," Caroline said cheekily.

"Well if you hadn't annoyed me by reminding me that I was weak where you were concerned then I would've had you there and then in the hallway."

"Really?!"

"Yep." She nodded sagely.

"Bloody hell! Remind me to keep my mouth shut in the future."

"Always a good idea." Kate tried to look serious but then burst out laughing and Caroline joined her.


End file.
